My ex-boyfriend is locked up right now and is trying to get back into court on a post-conviction, in order to either (A) be released on time-served or (B) go back to trial to get acquitted or a lesser sentence. He and I went our separate ways while he was locked up. I tried to be the good girlfriend, holding it down for my man while he was doing his bid, but f*ck that! I’m too young for that sh*t… I have my own life to live, rather than to put it on hold b/c he decided to do something stupid w/o regards to me.
Although we went our separate ways, we are attempting to remain friends b/c of regardless of what happened b/w us as a couple, we have always been friends. Plus all of his so-called friends turned their backs on him when he 1st got locked up… he doesn’t need someone else leaving him out in the cold, so-to-speak. I know the dudes are thinking, “f*ck that, if you was my girl, you would NOT remain friends w/ your ex!” And to that I say (1) I’m grown… you can’t tell me what I can/can’t or will/won’t do! (2) My husband and I have complete trust in one another and we are confident in our relationship. The friendships that he and I share with the opposite sex does not make either one of us question our relationship.
With that said… before his incarceration, he lived up the street from my grandmother and 2 of my cousins. The crime that he’s locked up for, went down in front of my grandmother’s house. His parents suggested that maybe I or my cousins could be of some assistance to the post-conviction. So we each contacted the lawyer. Anything that I would have to say would be of hearsay, and they couldn’t go with that. They were unsure at first if my cousins could help… until last week.
My ex’s dad called me and asked me to give them my cousins’ number (again.) And so I did. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t keep my cousins’ number when they knew it was a possibility they would be needed for the case… but anyways… A week later he calls me stating that he needs my help to get my cousins to cooperate. I’m the type of person, that when you’re talking to me, I don’t hear WHAT you say to me until after I hear HOW you say it to me. And if your tone is rude (to me) I tune out the message. His dad is saying, “I don’t know what’s wrong with your cousins…” (Not a muthaf*ckin thing!) “…but they said they would help, and now they’re M.I.A. If they’re not going to help, then that’s what they should say. But I need you to get them to help.”
My cousins’ are grown ass men. They’re going to (or not going to) do as the please regardless of what anyone says to them. I’ve already spoken to them and made it clear to them, if they help, then great, if not, then please let his parents know that you won’t be doing anything, so they can leave me the f*ck alone! I haven’t seen or spoken to my cousins since Christmas day. Both of their cell phones are off, and neither one are ever home when I call. I can’t do anything more than call (as you have already done.) I can’t help you!!!
I’ve tried to be respectful. I understand that they just have their son’s best interest at heart… but they are really getting on my last nerve! It’s come to the point where they only call me (now) to express that they need my cousins’ help. They used to call occasionally to check on me and my well-being (even after me and their son split.) I feel some type of way about that! So now, I hardly ever answer the phone when they call, and most of the time, I don’t return their phone call. And if I do call, I make sure it’s when they aren’t home so I can just leave a message. I want to just answer the phone one day and say, “I can’t help you! All I can do is call them, just as you have. If you haven’t gotten in touch with them… what makes you think that I will?? Stop calling me! The lawyers don’t need me, they need my cousins. Call them… or drive pass their house like you did before… do what you want… just stop calling me!!!” But that’s rude, so I didn’t. Instead, I wrote my ex and asked him to put an end to the situation… Hopefully it works….
These are just my thoughts and opinions. I try not to care so much, but I can't help it; it's just in my nature to care about those close to me. If you don't like my opinions..................ask me if I care!
From: Baltimore, Maryland, United States
About me: I'm not the average chick.. My thoughts and actions are different than anyone else you will ever meet. To sum it up.. I'm one of a kind! You will never get to know the true me until I get to know you and I am able to trust you. And even then, I'm still a private person. It takes time to get in my inner circle, but once you have, I can/will be the best friend you have ever had.
Monday, January 30, 2006
I can’t help you!!!!
posted by TTD at 1/30/2006 01:26:00 PM
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17 Comments:
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At 4:15 PM,
I agree with laalaa, you and GTL have a good relationship because there is no way in hell I could deal with my girl and her ex being close.
But you say over and over you have a good man, so you guys will be o.k.
As far as his parents you either have to continue to avoid their calls or pull them up and let them know how you feel. Unless you tell them they may never know -
At 4:49 PM,
Guide_to_lifeI hope that things will work out for you. Sometimes people can be blinded by their on ambition. Right now their focus is on their son and his well being. Their thinking is clouded and hopefully they are doing what their doing unintentionally. (you know what I mean)
Just take things in stride, and as I said once before there may come a point where you may have to put your foot down and let them know how you feel about the situation. Let them know that if they are calling you regarding the case it's a dead in street b/c you can't assist them any more than you already have. If they are calling to see how you are you would be more than happy to express how life has treated you... -
dee, maybe you're right.. b/c the dad called again last night (that's twice in 1 day) he doesn't get it.. maybe if he left a msg on my VM saying what he wants (and it's NOT about my cousins) i'd call back.. but i just spoke 2 u YESTERDAY.. i know what ur going 2 say and the answer is NO, i haven't talked to my cousins! geez.. give me a min to find them, else i wont even bother looking for them!
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It seems that they have forgotten that you have a life now after him. Their main focus is getting their son out of jail and in turn they are trying to make that your main focus. I feel ya about calling when they aren't home..I do that sometimes to people who have asked me to help and I've done all I can do...your cousins are grown they know how to get to a phone and call or whatever. I would have done the same thing you did..write their son and tell him to talk to him family or even talk to the family and let them know...hey I've done all i can do....now leave me the piss alone!
He should just be happy enough that you are there for him especially after the others have left him. He shouldn't take advantage of your friendship by hounding you (not sayin that he is cause of course I dont know him) -
At 2:56 PM,
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At 3:24 PM,
Ddot the King -
At 3:45 PM,
Guide_to_life
If they call you again, offer to help by calling the DA and swearing he couldn't have committed the crime of which he was convicted because you were watching him dismember a corpse at the time.