I first met James when I was 8 and he was 12. We went to Bentalou Basketball Camp together. So for three or four years we saw each other every summer. Feelings for each other weren’t at that level (like they are now) back then. Honestly, I was like a little sister to him and all of his friends. But God must have known better than that… even way back then!
So years go on and he’s at Towson Catholic High School (but I didn’t know that at the time – he was a childhood friend long gone to me.) When it came time for me to choose a high school, I had the choices of Towson Catholic, Randallstown, Milford Mill, or St. Frances. St. Frances offered a scholarship/financial assistant before TC did, so that’s where I ended up. But TC and SFA were rivals (still are) so were would see each other at the basketball games. Even after he graduated, he would still come to the games just because they were so good. We would speak, but nothing more or nothing less. Even when I transferred to Randallstown my senior year, we would see each other at my games (whenever he was in town.)
Now it was time for me to go off to college. My choices were Penn State, Drexel, Lincoln, and my fall back was Morgan. (I wanted to leave Baltimore, but didn’t want to go too far so that’s why my choices were in PA.) When it came time to apply, I decided not to apply to Lincoln b/c it was a HBCU and I knew I wouldn’t do well. I was boy-crazy! I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate with all of them n*ggas around me. Plus at the time I had a boyfriend of 3 years, and we wanted to make it work – if I went to a Black school away from home – it wouldn’t have worked. So I went to Penn State. So we missed each other again b/c he was at Lincoln….
But what’s even crazier than us almost attending the same school twice, is that we lived not even 10 minutes away from each other for a while, and never knew it! That is until he finally had the balls to say something to me down Hammerjacks! (just kidding baby) I spent my 21st birthday Friday at HJ and fell in love! Me and my girls were down there like every other week.
Apparently James saw me damn near every time I was there, but he never said anything to me. He claims that he wanted to, but I had a different n*gga in my face… blah, blah, blah. I was like whatever, that’s no excuse b/c ALL females had someone in their face down HJ… especially if they were drunk (which I always was.) N*ggas were trying to beat whatever they could… drunk females were seen as easy prey. Anyways… Black Friday 2003, I lose my home-girl (the one in Charlotte) after the club. So I’m sitting on the hood of my car waiting for her, and who finally has the balls to speak? Yes, James. So we’re talking, playing catch-up, and I ask to walk with me to find E. That’s when we realized we both had Nextels and decided to exchange numbers. He called me once that night to make sure I made it home safe and then I didn’t hear from him in a while.
Two weeks go by, so I calls him and we’ve been friends ever since. He claims that he was feeling me, that I can ask any of his friends. But I’m like, if you were feeling me, you should have told ME, not everybody else. So we didn’t start “dating” until I came home from school in May of 2004. We finally became exclusive August 19, 2004 and have been inseparable since.
We both share the same values and outlook on life. When we really started getting serious, we both agreed that we would do things the “right” way. We wouldn’t live together nor have children until we were married. But now I want to renege on our agreement.
I want to move in with him, but he wants to stick to the original plan. I’m like why? It’s like we live together now. Since Christmas day (with the exception of Charlotte) I have slept at his house EVERY night. I have everything except for clothes at his house. We’re GOING to get married, so what’s wrong with living together prior to doing so.
My grandmother and his family are very religious people. They would totally disapprove with us living together before getting married. But the more I think about it, we’re grown! Who are we living our lives for? Them or us? I ran this by my home-girl and she’s like we should go ahead, especially since it’s like we live together anyways. She said if we really wanted to please our families, then we wouldn’t have sex prior to being married, but we do. We don’t seek their approval in doing so, so why should this be any different?
He and I both plan for things (financially) like my ring on his end :o) But different things come up and set us back. If we lived together, there would no longer be his money & my money. It would OUR money and we would be set. We would not longer be “Successfully Broke.” (And I could get my ring!! And NO, that's not my motive for moving in!)
I’m not going to pressure him. If he feels strongly about wanting to wait, then I have no choice but to respect that. But is it really wrong to live together before getting married, although you KNOW this is the one you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?
These are just my thoughts and opinions. I try not to care so much, but I can't help it; it's just in my nature to care about those close to me. If you don't like my opinions..................ask me if I care!
From: Baltimore, Maryland, United States
About me: I'm not the average chick.. My thoughts and actions are different than anyone else you will ever meet. To sum it up.. I'm one of a kind! You will never get to know the true me until I get to know you and I am able to trust you. And even then, I'm still a private person. It takes time to get in my inner circle, but once you have, I can/will be the best friend you have ever had.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Tiffany-N-James (8-19-2004)
posted by TTD at 1/24/2006 09:36:00 AM
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23 Comments:
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At 12:26 PM,
I read the information and also read up the latest comment.I lived w/ my girlfriend and had second thoughts. Things didn't work out for us but I did enjoy the expierence.
The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way "to find out whether you really get along," and thus a way to avoid a bad marriage and an eventual divorce, is now widespread among us young people. I'm not here to tell you whether you should or shouldn't but truth be told, there is no evidence that those who decide to cohabit before marriage will have a stronger marriage than those who don’t live together. I have read some articles that indicate that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage. And mind you we didn't make it to marriage so I would fall in that category. I hope it works out for the both of you and the decision you make is based on need and not comfort. -
I have been with my boyfriend for five years now. Out of the five years, I have been with him, we lived together for a year. And let me tell you what is going to be like:
At first everything is all cool and dandy. It's fun feeling like a wife, you know. You are partying all the time, having sex all the time, everything is going well. But let me tell you, they go through this phase girl (all of my girls can testify to this because they have lived with a man before too), they start acting like plum assholes. I am not lying. They start wanting their space and getting out of control. ANd if you do start living together, I hope you are on birth control because you WILL get pregnant. Real quickly, no doubt. Because you are not going to wear condoms. That's just how it is. An older woman told me prior to living with my boyfriend, all these things. She was right! She also said, if you want them to marry you, don't live together. He ain't going to marry you. Needless to say, I moved out. We are still together and that was three years ago. Anyway, if you are ready to have a family do it. Try it. But when I was living with my boyfriend I couldn't get over the fact that we were living in sin, and it felt as though the problems that we were having were because of that. It was like, God wasn't going to let anything positive come out of a relationshiop that was cohabitating out of wedlock. You know. Let's us now what you decide. -
GP.. I know I'm going to sound like a cliche' when i say this.. but my man is not like all other men. he's different.. so im sure we will still get married. but like i said before, it's like we live together now (it's just not official) that's why im like, fuck it, let's make it official that we live together..
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the way I was raised, it was supposed to be wrong.
However, I've never been in that situation to decide whether or not I would live with a significant other. I mean my mother, actually my entire family would do everything they could possibly do to discourage me.
But I think in the end I would just wait it out and hold on until we got married.
Not saying that it's wrong -- but that's what I would do. -
yeah, you two sound like the couple that will still get married.One of my girlfriends have been with her man for six years, they have been living together for two years now. I truly believe that they will get married. That's what kind of man he is. you know. Do you. You know your relationship better than anyone else.
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At 1:27 PM,
Guide_to_lifeWell let's clear one thing up. Just like I tell everyone else that knows me. Please don't judge, compare, or stand me beside anyone else you know. I am a man who has never cheated on anyone woman that i've been w/. Why cheat just be single....In saying that TTD is and will be the woman that I am going to marry. There are no if and's or buts about that. She and I are two individuals w/ the same rooted beliefs that two people should not live together until their married. (we had God fearing families) But lately its as though she lives w/ me already and we want to make sure we do what's best for us and not for everyone else. As far as space or alone time that why I go to for 8 hrs work. She has a point that people will have their opinions of us depending on what we do, but you know what "Criticism is like a rain drop, once one hits you what's another drop."
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NBC is not doing any marketing & publicity on Jamie's Music Special on NBC because he stood his ground and didn't have any white guest (performers) to perform with as they requested. To make it even worse he had two controversial guest stars, Snoop Dogg and The Game, that do not fit the "NBC profile" on his show. They are purposely putting his show up against the second week of American Idol in hopes that it will fail. This will give them the excuse to never give another black person a music special because "it doesn't work". Let's show them that it does work, and that we support each other. Tivo American Idol, and watch Jamie.
J Foxx making history on NBC. This is the first time NBC has ever aired an entire young urban African American cast on a music special. We need to show support. This was not an easy sell for Jamie and he stood his ground to make it happen the way he saw fit.
JAMIE FOXX MUSIC SPECIAL WILL BROADCAST WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25TH @ 8:00PM PST on NBC. PLEASE MAKE IT A POINT WATCH! There will be surprise special guests. -
I think it speaks volumes about each of you that you all set a standard when you committed to one another (i.e. not having children, not living together). Girl stick with it.....I've seen so many of my friends think it's gonna work out and then they get stuck in a cycle. If you have a plan or a focus stick with it and take your time. You two are meant for one another so that means come rain, shine, sleet or you living down the street you can take your time and he will still be there.....stick with your first plan. Good post cause that thought crossed my mind but didn't have the guts to do it lol
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At 2:26 PM,
Drama Kween -
At 9:25 AM,
Drama KweenFrom a str8 from the Bible perspective...it is wrong to move in together as well as "pre-marital" sex, until you have made that union with your husband and God anything like marriage is wrong...but thank God for His grace that it is forgivable...and once you are in the know you are accountable for what you do with the knowledge...
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At 10:05 AM,
I like the last comment that kween made about being in the know that we are all accountable. But doesn't the bible also say that we have free will to do what we want. Who among us has not sinned (sexually)....but we all know it's wrong but yet we all still do it. So what do we call that?
I'm sure many of us know its wrong to curse, lie and cheat, but we still do it knowingly. We make that late night booty call, knowing that it will lead to sex, and knowing it's sex outside of marriage but we still do it. I feel like Jadakiss...Why? -
At 10:17 AM,
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At 10:25 AM,
Drama Kween1st Anonymous I totally agree with you...as well as you Courtney, also going into a lil more spiritually...God wants us to have faith in Him, and I feel what people are saying as far as test out the living together situation, but if we test it out, where to we leave room to Trust God...God knows us best so what He sends to us as far as a life long partner will be who we have to have faith In God to know and believe that it will work and that we can wait until marriage...
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i appreciate everyone's comments (and so does james) after reading them and discussing the situation.. we decided to wait.. what's the big rush? it's going to happen soon enough! but (i don't know why) the one comment that really set me/us straight is Courtney's. We used to have a 4 night rule.. it wasn't 4 nites in a row.. just 4 nites out of the week. but b/c of current circumstances i kind of have to spend the nite every nite (not saying that i don't want to.. but right now i have to)
please continue to post, as i value everyone's thought on the situation -
At 1:51 PM,
I'm back...just read your past couple of entries. I don't think it's a good move for the two of you b/c you seem to have a lot going on for you and settling or moving in doesn't look to be in your best interest. You seem like the kind of person who likes their freedom, moving in would just complicate things.
You say you guys would save money, saving money is his problem, let him deal w/ it.... -
At 3:30 PM,
That's what my lady use to say before she left me. I hope your boyfriend pays attention to the signs. I didn't, my next woman i'm gonna make sure I keep on a short leash b/c I gave way to much before and that's where it got me...heartbroken and lonely...woman can't be trusted, most want their cake and party too
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most, but not all.. just as my husband & my profile says.. don't compare me to anyone else b/c im 1 of a kind.. sorry things didn't work out for you & your ex.. but im not her.. and my man is not you.. he does EVERYTHING that he's supposed to do plus more.. i have NO reason to step out on what we share..
btw.. you can't keep ANYone on a short leash (or any leash for that matter) and if you try all they will do is lie to you and do as they please anyways... unless they have low self-esteem & who would want someone like that?
I don't think there is anything wrong with living together before you get married. I lived with my ex 8 years before we got married. And if you are spending the night, every night, there then what's the difference? You are grown and since you two do plan on getting married then go for it.