WARNING: This is a long post... deal with it!!
Why is it, that most females cannot befriend a large amount of females at one time? In high school and college, I always had about 2 or 3 close female friends and about 5 or 6 close male friends. I know a lot of females that his holds true for as well. Out of my three “close female friends” from high school, I kind of still talk to one. (but not for long) Out of my two “close female friends” from college, I only consider one a true friend.
Let’s talk about these weird ass chicks! Now some may try to argue, if you can’t keep a female friend, then maybe the problem is with you… maybe… but I doubt it! Or it could be that my mindset is so totally different than that of these females, I don’t understand why I even befriended them in the 1st place.
High School
Close friend number one: We’ll call her Twin. We kind of fell out the summer b/w sophomore and junior year. My senior year, I transferred schools. We didn’t talk as much, come to find out, SHE pursued a dude that I was “in love” with. She knew that I really liked dude. Yeah, I had another boyfriend, but this isn’t elementary/middle school where it was ok to date your friends’ exes. Regardless of my current status, she shouldn’t have pursued an ex of mine. That kind of sealed the deal on our friendship right there.
Close friend number two: We’ll call her Freak. She made me the godmother of her daughter. We stayed cool until half way thru my sophomore year of college. When my ex got locked up, she claimed that her boyfriend/baby’s daddy felt some type of way towards Freak hanging out with me and close friend number three (more on her later.) Supposedly he thought that we would influence her to cheat on him and blah, blah, blah. And that was one of the main reasons I couldn’t get my goddaughter on a regular as I wanted. That pissed me off, coupled with the fact that I didn’t want to be cause of a family breaking apart, I kind of just pulled myself away from Freak.
Close friend number three: We’ll call her Stupid. (if you really want to know why, check out my July – Oct posts, this is the chick I’m talking about) Anyways… She has a shitty attitude. I accepted that from jump. She and I have been talking on and off for a long time now. When we are talking, we’re the greatest of friends. When we’re not, it’s usually cause her stupid ass got mad over something that made no fucking sense. One time, it was because she showed me that I couldn’t depend on her as a friend like she could me, and I didn’t like that. Once we made amends, I became her son’s godmother. I love this lil’ nigga to death! And honestly, if it weren’t for him, we’d probably would’ve stopped talking 3-4 years ago. Right now, I feel like FUCK HER.
College
Close friend number one: We’ll call her Adulterer. Her priorities are screwed up, which kind of makes me dislike her, but other times we can really have great times together. I moved back home from school, and our friendship is slowly but surely dying.
Close friend number two: We’ll call her E. We’re just alike, so sometimes our attitudes clash. We may occasionally go through spats where we aren’t talking. But through it all, we are friends. This is the friend that I went to go visit in Charlotte back in Jan.
Now to why these people (with the exception of E) are weird:
In college, I decided that I wouldn’t hold onto petty grudges with people that I thought was a friend to me. So I called up Twin and Stupid (b/c at this time, we hadn’t spoke in a few years) and made amends.
Shortly after, I met this dude. We were kicking it for a while, and come to find out, Twin used to date him a while ago. Now I know that I said, you don’t date the exes of your friends, but I was like, fuck her, she did it to me, and me and the boy are just talking… nothing else. Well soon as Twin finds out (her best friend is his cousin) she starts blowing his phone up, talking about “Do you miss me?” If he missed your ass, don’t you think he would’ve called you? But I was like, I ain’t got time. So I dropped both of their asses!
Later on, I found out that Freak lied. Her boyfriend didn’t have a problem with me and Stupid. She had issues with her damn self! I see the boyfriend occasionally out with his NEW girlfriend. Last I saw him was a few months ago. Well Freak saw my cousin a while back and they exchanged numbers. Out of the blue she calls him, and was like “Tell TTD to call me.” So I did to see what the hell she wanted. With attitude, from her, the convo went like this:
Freak: “Baby-daddy said he saw you a couple of weeks ago at the movies”
Thinking ~ whatever bitch, that was like 2 months ago!
Me: “Yeah, I saw him a while ago.”
Freak: “Well, I just wanted to say, you are Jordyn’s godmother, and she’s having a birthday party on such and such date, and I think she’d like it if you came.”
I gets the info from her and is thinking to myself: What the fuck was that all about?? (1) Me seeing baby-daddy ain’t got shit to do with an invitation to your daughter’s birthday party. (2) I haven’t seen your daughter since she was ONE, she doesn’t know who I am, and could care less if I came to the party. (3) If YOU really wanted me there, what’s all the attitude about???
Stupid… makes me angry! Because of her shitty attitude, she really can’t keep a friend. But I’d tried to be there for her and her son, cause her family really isn’t. I moved this bitch into my mom’s crib RENT FREE so she could get herself together for her and her son’s sake. What she do? USE ME!!! And even after I let her know she couldn’t stay there anymore, but I would always be there for her and her son, she still used me. But not anymore. I refuse to let someone walk all over me when I try to be the best friend that I can be to someone. Last straw: she invited me to the circus with her and my godson, her treat. Cool! I thought, our friendship is looking on the ups now. Well after the circus, I realized that she used me as a babysitter for her son so he could enjoy the circus. She works 3rd shift, so during the time of the circus, she would normally be sleep. So she fell asleep in the circus. No big deal, I thought, because I ain’t pay for anything. Two weeks later, I invited her to a FREE skating event that my Church was giving. I said, I got your skates and any food that you may want. She was down. The morning of, I text her, “Are you still going tonight?” No response. When I got off of work, I called her. No answer. But the bitch knew I was calling b/c she was on the other line. If you have Verizon (and I’m not sure what other carriers) but if you’re on a call and someone else calls, the caller knows you’re on the other line because the phone has an extra beep at the end of the ring. Don’t play me for stupid, bitch, that’s YOU! So I’m done with her. Too many things to prove her lack of friendship skills that I don’t have time to teach anyone. Yes, I will miss her son. I will continue to pray for him, but my New Year’s resolution was not to stress out over people that don’t want my friendship.
Adulterer… I’m not even going to put her business out there, but from what I named her, you can tell some things already. She’s VERY materialistic. Yes, I like nice things, but they don’t define me. But they do for her. I don’t like that. It’s not cute. Anyways… ever since I moved back to Baltimore from PA, I was always the one making the trip to visit friends from PA (it’s only an hour drive, so it’s really not that bad.) But damn!! Can you come make a trip to see a friend without having the underlying reason being shopping?? Can you pick up the phone and have 20-30 min conversation over the phone once a week to see how someone is doing as opposed to texting back and forth all day, when you KNOW the other is working?? Lately, my approach has been: Fuck it, she calls, she calls, if not oh well!
It’s crazy because I have three male friends, that have been my friends since MIDDLE school. Why can’t I keep a friendship with a female that long?
Luckily when I came back from college, GTL introduced me to the girlfriends/ex-girlfriends of his homeboys, and these chicks have been REAL FRIENDS to me ever since.
We all have many things in common. NONE of us have kids. Which is great for me because all aforementioned people did. I realize that I tend to try to make a friendship work b/c I’m attached to kid… none of that happening here. We all have CAREERS! Or at least a decent paying job with career-goals in mind. We can and do, do any and everything together! I don’t see any of us falling out over something petty.
So I guess it’s not that females are really weird (although some really are.. LOL) but I guess it’s more that I’m on a whole ‘nother level than chicks my age (all of my new friends are older.) I’ve also decided that I’m giving up on being someone’s godparent because MY feelings (and maybe the kids) get hurt in the end when me and their stupid ass mother fall out. Hopefully my new friends and I can end the tradition of me ending a friendship with a female in a few short years… Because “these friends are great! And I love those guys!” :o)
*waving both hands simultaneously like a queen (or in some eyes, a retard)*
Hi Guys!!
posted by TTD at 4/02/2006 12:22:00 PM
I can totally understand where you are coming from. Although I haven't had to cut off as many females as you have (I only had to cut off one because she was a "Single BLACK Female" - very scary - and she her friendship with me was VERY conditional...and THAT is not cool with me).
I think that in my case the difference is that most of my high school friendships, except for one, ended there...in high school. The one female that I continue to be friends with and ALWAYS will be is one from childhood. Our parents are friends, are siblings are friends and we have been through A LOT together.
My college friends (there was a group of about six of us) are still very near and dear to my heart. I think that the friends you make in college are usually the friends that you keep for life...usually.
As you get older and figure out which life path you will travel, naturally there are going to be a few casualties. You tend to gravitate more towards like minds and like spirits...and because once you leave school (especially if you go to school out of state) very rarely do you continue to have anything in common with your classmates (other than you went to the same school).
Some of those who "fall off the map" will understand this transition and will become acquaintances and won't hold grudges or think that you are trying to get "brand new." Others, usually those who have hung around the old neighborhood and not done much with their lives, will not.
Understanding that in a friendship you don't "give to receive" however, if the friendship has a solid and genuine foundation - than this should be a non issue...the friendship will be reciprocated naturally.
Don't feel bad or waste any more time contemplating your "friend" situation. It just is what it is. Be grateful and hold dear the ones who have earned and are worthy of the title "friend."
And it sound like you have been a stellar friend to all of these women, so find the positive in the fact that you have the ability to be, and have been, a very good friend.
I think things like this happen so that when you do find a friend that is true, you can appreciate it so much more.
Okay...I'm stepping off my soap box.
Whew...this could have been my own post :o)