I volunteer as a Big Sister to a little girl that turned10 today. I do it for selfish reasons (like wanting to become a Delta and needing volunteering under my belt) but also because I want to help my community become better than what it has become. Also because I think that I can make a difference in a child’s life, and since I’m not ready to have my own, and every time I try to be a good God-mother, the child’s mother is stupid, so this is the route to take.
But being so busy being a “big sister” to the 10-year, I neglected to be a good/big sister to my real sister. She and I have different mothers. And her mother was actually murdered a few years back. She and I recently became close (like a year before the passing of her mom.) She turned 18 the end of March. I’ve always tried to become close to her, by my attempts always fell short. She and I were just totally different so I always figure in time, she’ll come around.
Well the time has come for me to stop waiting on her, and step up to the plate as I should’ve done a while ago. My father recently informed me that she has been doing very poorly in school. She’s been passed along so much due to the “No Child Left Behind Act” that she is a senior, but technically she’s still a FRESHMAN!! She’s been hooking school and because she hooked twice in a row, they suspended her. So my father went up to the school to find out the deal. She still taking 9th grade courses. But they gave her extra courses and a portfolio to complete, so that if she does well in all of her courses, she can graduate in June. She hasn’t even started on the damn thing!!
Then she says to my father “Well if I don’t graduate, I can always get my GED” WTF!!!!! I understand that there are some instances that requires a child to drop out and later pursue the GED… but this isn’t one of them. My father told her, that if she chooses not to go to college, that’s on her, but she IS going to graduate from high school.
I haven’t spoken with her yet, only because right now I want to curse her out! I get her today. We’re going to discuss this. My father told her he’s not mad, he’s disappointed. Fuck that! I’m mad. Whenever we would talk, I always ask her about school, and she always tells me “fine.” She lied. I don’t do well with liars. (Chele, that’s the deal breaker!) So I really don’t even want to hear her excuse because I don’t know what’s the truth and what’s a lie.
Thanks to conversations with friends, I plan on the conversation going something like this: Daddy told you he wasn’t mad, but I am. I don’t appreciate you lying to me, as I would never judge you for not doing well in school. I would just do my best to help you. But you didn’t come to me, so I really don’t want to hear your excuses because I won’t believe you. But let me ask you this? What do you plan to do when school is over? What do you plan to do 5 years from now? Do you realize that by you now being 18, you’re an adult, and once June comes, if your aunt wants to, she can put you out? Then what?? I know you’ve been hooking school hanging out with boys, do you think they really care about you? Or would even want to hang out with you and they didn’t think they could fuck? (I’ve always tried to be her friend, but now it’s time for me to be her big sister. So I know what I say may sound harsh, but it’s reality and someone has to give it to her straight.) School is important and you need to make sure that you do well and graduate. Attempting to get your GED is a helluva lot hard than going to school everyday and doing your work. If you need help with something, you can come to me. But NEVER lie to me again, telling me everything is fine just because that’s what you think I want to hear... that's not cool! Without a high school diploma, you’ll be stuck living in your aunt’s house forever, depending on others until they get tired of you. You’ve never had a job, so no one will ever hire you, except McDonald’s or Burger King and I know you don’t want to work there the rest of your life….
I have a lot that I want to say to her. I’m going to try to stick to that basis… and hear her out (hopefully she won’t lie.)
If it were your little sister or brother, what would you say?
These are just my thoughts and opinions. I try not to care so much, but I can't help it; it's just in my nature to care about those close to me. If you don't like my opinions..................ask me if I care!
From: Baltimore, Maryland, United States
About me: I'm not the average chick.. My thoughts and actions are different than anyone else you will ever meet. To sum it up.. I'm one of a kind! You will never get to know the true me until I get to know you and I am able to trust you. And even then, I'm still a private person. It takes time to get in my inner circle, but once you have, I can/will be the best friend you have ever had.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Close to Home
posted by TTD at 4/23/2006 12:10:00 PM
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13 Comments:
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At 6:03 PM,
Superstar Nic -
At 11:18 PM,
feels good b n FREEi wonder if she'll have a hard time hearing this from you since you two aren't that close.
you know what I mean?
it's like a dad who is semi absent trying to come around being daddy when things get rough...it isn't always recieved well.
she definitely needs you in her life. tell her all u said but not too judgementally and make sure she knows that all you r saying comes from love. -
You pretty much have everything covered Big Sis!
The only other thing I can think of is I would want to know what caused the change in her behavior (assuming that she wasn't always doing poorly in school). Was it that the work got harder? Were there problems at home? Was she involved in too many extracirricular activities?
I am a strong believer that until you get to the root of the problem, it can't really be fixed. And just because this is her senior year, don't think it's too late...you could possibly change her mind about college (if she's not planning to go).
I feel you on the liar thing...why lie when the truth will do?
Good luck with your Little Sister...sounds like she really needs you right now and I'm glad that you are stepping in. -
Hopefully she will listen. I remember how I was at that age, and nothing that anybody said would have made much difference. Joining the Army is what turned me around because it was so screwed up it provided the slap in the face I needed to get my act together (I passed high school, but barely). Unfortunately, now you need a high school degree or GED to join the military, so that option isn't available for her yet. Maybe you can convince her to join the Peace Corps - let her see how other, less fortunate people live and it might inspire her.
BTW, what's a delta? -
She may need to hear that speech, but like drc said she may not be trying to hear that from you. Maybe instead of a lecture you can talk to her and find out what's her plan? I mean a GED may be limiting to her long term goals if they include college. But not eveyrone is cut out for college. Maybe she would be better suited to a trade.
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Seeing that I deal with girls like her every week, I have to agree with Chan (aka Diamonds), on this one. She is at an age where she thinks she knows everything. They use defiance as a defense mechanism. At first, I think you should try a more subtle approach...see where her head is. If that gets you nowhere, then go for the gut!
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At 4:59 PM,
divine oasiswhat would i say? pretty much what u're gonna say already.
there must be a reason why she lied to you. seek out the root of her issues and help guide her thru the wilderness. more than likely, she's still going thru the heaviness of dealing with her mother's murder. so be an ear.
ultimately, you want her to be open to communicate with you. apply no pressure. don't be angry. encourage her. be mindful not to push her further away.
btw,
hug her often.
peace love and balance -
At 8:14 AM,
Drama Kweencoming from a "true friend" perspective is what she really needs...she already has the parent view of things...what you typed should be fine, but it's really not what you say, it's how you say it...try to say it in a way that she won't become defensive, once a person feels they have to be defensive, what you are saying goes in one ear and out the other...but at the same time hold nothing back, since you've been thru that age you know that (at your current age) having h.s. friends and all that social hype about h.s. doesn't mean jack after you move to the next level...and life will force you to move to the next level...
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Ok..great so what I wrote didn't get one here..why must computers be so jacked up when they are actually suppose to help us. Anyway I have a little sister..not a part of the big brother big sister program and man she is a trip and I mean that in all meanings of the word...she dropped out of HS wanted to go to job corp and got pregnant with my nephew...lives with my parents but fights with them constantly......we weren't really close growing up but now I've come to realize that some of her frustration might come in from jealously and feeling like I think I'm better than her..so I go out of my way to make her feel and understand that I'm always here for her come rain come shine and that I would never look down on her no matter what she decides and the last thing she wants is a lecture although sometimes I can't help it...I mean I'm her big sister...but I try to make it more friendly sounding...I do more things with her now and let her know that she can call me about anything and she's beginning to understand that....I think that the fact that you are even thinking about talking to her says alot cause you could just ignore it which would also cause some hard feelings if this is her way of acting out.
Let me find out I have two future sisters up on blogger.....ttd & thoughts we have lots in common (lol) -
You're on the right track. I'd say the same thing. She needs direction. She needs someone to be straight with her but she also needs understanding. She needs to realize that lying to you won't make the situation better and it won't make it go away. She's lucky to have a big sister like you that cares about her future. Don't give up on her!
Oh you are a bid sister? That is so wonderful. I started being a big sister for the same reason (needed the volunteer work), but I just fell in love with my little sis. The experience was so rewarding for both of us and I saw her grades come up dramatically. I was so proud. I don't really have the time to spend with her like I used to.
I don't really have have any good advice for you, but I would say just continue to be there for her. Tell her how important school was to you, but don't be too overbearing with the info, it may cause her to rebel. I don't think I did anything special w/my little sister. I think it was just me being there for her and being that possible role model that helped to turn her around in school.
Success want happen over night, but continue to be there for her and it will come!
Take care!