I remember a time when if I didn’t agree with something someone did or didn’t like how they treated me, I could be like, “I don’t give a f*ck” and move on from that situation or person. But I’ve gotten soft. I try my best not to care about sh*t that doesn’t affect me, but the more I try not to, the more that I do. I’ve read my husband's blog on this topic as well as TE's and no matter how much sense it makes, I can’t just can’t do it. But the more and more I contemplate on the issue, I realize that it’s not her that I can’t let go of, but him. I know that if I close the chapter of my life on her, that also means closing the chapter on him. And I can’t do that. I love him to much to let him go and to constantly wonder if he’s ok? Has she gotten her priorities in order, or does he still suffer b/c she’s so selfish? I lost one little one b/c I said f*ck their mother, and I miss her dearly, which is why I think it’s so hard for me to do it again. Especially since he and I have developed a really close and strong bond. If only I could learn not to concern myself with what she does so much, and only focus on him. But often times, what she do, does affect him… maybe not directly, but it still affects him. I try my best not to judge her and the decisions she make, but in they’re not only wrong in my eyes, but in the eyes of others, which leads me to believe that I need to offer her advice… especially when she asks for it. But why ask for it, if you’re not going to heed to it? (But I guess she got the hint on that one b/c she stopped asking) But I couldn’t call myself a friend if I let her do things that aren’t in her best interest, could I? I definitely wouldn’t be a good Godmother if I knew that the decisions she makes, affects his outcome. If I was like I’d used to be, I’d say “f*ck her!” And “that was my little man, but oh well!” But not anymore! Because of him, I put up with a lot of her BS. I bite my tongue with her a lot… and that’s not me! I wish I could find a way to not have to deal with her unless it involves him. I’m one step towards that way… Come 2006, they won’t be living with me anymore. I already put it out there that that I want to get him at least once a month. So maybe things will work out. She and I won’t have to communicate outside of planning to meet to get him. And he will continue to be a part of my life. I hope that it works out that way… b/c I can’t continue to be worried about her and concern myself about what she does or doesn’t do. But with me getting him, I will know how he’s doing, and do what I can to make him a better person………